BOMBSHELL (2019) dir. Jay Roach
THE GRAY MAN (2022) dir. Joe Russo and Anthony Russo
"It isn't a sadness, but a joy, that we don't do the same things for the length of our lives."
Gabrielle Zevin, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow
Peter: I’m sure wherever Mr Stark is now, he’s looking down on us
Peter: He’s not dead, he’s just very condescending
If we wait until we are ready we will be waiting for the rest of our lives. - Lemony Snicket
Goodnight moon
Goodnight room
Goodnight hardworking Organization for Transformative Works volunteers keeping us from doom
Still remember when a homo- and transphobic acquaintance tried to bring up JKR’s views on trans people in conversation and I shut it down with «oh yeah she’s been saying a lot of dumb shit on Twitter after she finished writing Harry Potter, like when she claimed Dumbledore was gay, just to be politically correct», which made it absolutely impossible for him to admit that he agreed with anything JKR had ever said. Sometimes you just have to weaponise people’s homophobia against their transphobia.
Other ways to stop family members/acquaintances from going on bigoted rants:
- «Isn’t this all a bit silly? I mean, I’m more concerned about the economy/the war in Ukraine/covid/my job» - weaponised whataboutism
- «Do you work with a lot of trans people? Because it seems like this is a problem you frequently encounter in everyday life from the way you talk about it» and when they say they don’t, follow up with «well then I don’t see what you’re making such a fuss about»
- «Idk, I haven’t been much on social media lately, I think Twitter is a waste of time» - make them feel like they’re the ones who are terminally online
- «Idk, I’m not that concernced with other people’s genitals and sex lives» - creep shaming
The point is that I’ve used all of these in various contexts and they’ve saved a good number of dinner table conversations from derailing into pointless debating. You don’t de-radicalise friends and family members by entering into political discussions they initiate just to stir up shit. You de-radicalise them by shifting the focus away from their shitty opinions and onto the things you have in common and the practical everyday stuff that exists outside their internet echo chambers.
also the rude argument works great. “I just think it’s appallingly rude not to address people as they’ve asked to be addressed. it’s not hard, we call aunt nickname aunt full first name now; and sister in law’s brother asked to go from average name to fussy old name for literally no discernible reason, and we’re happy enough to do that? so I don’t get why you’re kicking up a fuss now.
“you know when I was in high school and was fifteen, I decided I wanted to be called bob, and old school mate’s dad still called me bob years later until I asked him to call me by my actual name. It’s just what you do; it’s polite”
we really are on a journey. we are meant to feel lost because that is literally the point. we are going to uncover pieces of ourselves the longer that we are alive. trust the process and surrender! you will find your way!!
reminding myself to say these things consciously and more often👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽
- “that’s a good point and i appreciate your input but i disagree”
- “i don’t know enough about xyz to form an educated opinion but i can share what i do know”
- “i have actually spent a lot of time studying/interacting with xyz and my opinion is informed by this close study”
- “sorry, i lied because i was afraid you would think badly of me. here is the truth”
- “i enjoy your company and would like to spend more time with you”
- “this task is beyond my ability at the moment”
- “can you explain precisely what you mean by xyz, i don’t understand”
- “i need to go home and rest/i need a break before we continue”
- “this conversation/activity isn’t pleasant or productive, let’s talk about/do xyz instead”
-“i’m having a really good time, thank you for joining/inviting me”